Something is holding me back? Back from what? Me? I have always considered myself a bit of a force – pretty confident, sure of myself, know what I want, focused. I would’ve never thought that ANYTHING ever held me back.
That makes me laugh now. Stupid. There has been plenty holding me back.
From what? Well, being happy for one…like truly happy. Content even. Satisfied. At peace. Secondly, stuff has held me back from being who I REALLY am, rather than who I thought I should be…or worse yet, who I thought I was supposed to be.
Let me tell you a little about what happens when you stop letting stuff hold you back. It obviously comes with a payoff (good!), but it also comes with a price (uh oh!).
Yep, the price. There’s always a catch, right? Looking inward, facing your fears, releasing your demons, addressing your traumas, and admitting your bad habits brings about…
Shame! God, how could I have ever acted like that, been that way, said those things, let others see that, supported that, hung out with those people?
Guilt! I feel so bad for treating people like that, treating myself like that, allowing myself to get that low, putting on so much weight, pretending to be someone I’m not.
Anger! I hate myself for letting it go this long. How could he have done that to me? Why could she make me feel that way?
Sorrow! Who even was I? I wasted so much time. I can’t get those moments back. I let that opportunity get away from me. I never took the chance.
Oh, but there are other costs…
Doubt…from others! Some people around you will not believe in your ability to evolve. They’ll question you. Directly.
Frustration…from others! You’ll have some that test your new boundaries and challenge your thoughts.
Resentment…from others! Friends will guilt trip you when you don’t come around or call as much. You’ll feel the cold shoulder or take a jab or two, all because THEY realize you’re growing and they’re still stuck.
I totally expected my own tears. Being fearful seemed natural. The guilt, the anger, the sorrow…normal. But when I got real self-absorbed and started going deep within, putting myself first and working to be better, I didn’t anticipate the reactions from others.
You know, people have you in a nice box. They put you in this box based on their own opinions and views, then slap on a label. That’s the you they know and can handle.
If you break the box, or God forbid, fail to match that label anymore they react as if the box just turned over and a bunch of spiders ran out. Folks don’t like change.
They don’t like to get ruffled either. When you start to evolve, they catch a glimpse of themselves in a proverbial mirror and squirm at what they see. Some people aren’t ready to come face to face with their crap, and they won’t like that they’ve been reminded it exists.
Does that mean we don’t seek to improve? No way. It means we focus on the payoffs and let people be. While, sure, we are all in this together, it’s truly every man for himself. This world is all about synergy, which is a highly overused word, but an appropriate word to describe how all our individual efforts can come together to bring about true change.
Part 3? The payoff.