I’m just going to go ahead and say it. Please don’t give your Avon, Scentsy, Mary Kay, Candle Boo, Pimped Out Chef friend my number. And please don’t add me to your contact list without my permission if you peddle such goods. Lawdhammercy, I’m getting texts from random people 3 times a week who want to sell me wickless candles and microdermabrasion cream, and it’s freaking awkard to reply “STOP” everytime.
Look here…some of us love all that stuff, but we want to love it on our own terms. We don’t want to host parties (I actually would rather eat glass.), we don’t want to go to parties and fake smile, and we would sooner fly halfway around the world to throw ourselves from the Rock of Gibraltar than recruit 10 other “friends” to buy a Mix N Chop. I don’t even have 10 friends who know what a Mix N Chop is. We all just use spoons for mixing and knives for chopping in our medieval kitchens.
So remember, I am fully aware that you are an ambitious “entrepreneur” supplementing your income by representing the best company ever, because I saw the decal in the back window of your Honda Odyssey. I am fully aware of the Winter Holiday Sale Extravaganza and the 2-for-1 Plumping Lip Gloss Special from your frequent Facebook posts. I will come to you if I need “free” facials for 6 of my lady friends or want to host a gaggle of chicks in my home to get the $450 in free wax melts.
In the meantime, don’t waste your time on the likes of me. I’m no fun and clearly like to spend money on wine and cheese dip. If there is ever a multi-level pyramid scheme for either of those, I’m your girl.