Things I learned today…
Today I learned that I do this thing where I’m feeling so good in my very nice bed, knowing I’m about to have to get up…so I calculate the hours until I’m back home and in it. It’s my safe, comfortable, personal space.
I also learned that, over the last few days, I have been overwhelmed with requests for help by other people – from benign (my shoes are too tight) to life-changing (I’m being bullied at school and the bad kids tell me that I should end my life). I’ve felt inundated, helpless, and drained. I’ve thought “why me?” a few times and wondered if this, too, would pass or if this was the real state of the world. Well…it’s the real state of the world, I’m afraid. Why me? Because kids must feel comfortable telling me. Will it pass? Hopefully and without incident. Am I inundated, helpless, and drained…perhaps…but I’m doing my best to be the bright spot for people, move them forward, and offer them a sense of hope.
Today, my feelings of helplessness and being overwhelmed were a bit redeemed when I found out the child who confided in me shared her COMPLETE story of misery after I had called her mom. Now everyone is involved and helping her. Her mom told me I probably saved her. I probably saved her. Oh my. I wanted to melt into a puddle. I still do. THAT is overwhelming.
I learned everyone doesn’t think like me, nor are they appreciative of the way I think…and that’s ok. I think you either have to have compassion, an open mind, or empathy to attempt to understand and appreciate another person’s plight, and not everyone has those abilities. That’s ok…but I think that’s what makes it harder to find and keep authentic, substantive friends and to trust that any friends I do have won’t let me down. This is hard for me. I guess I want to be accepted and respected without fear of duplicity or disappointment. Don’t we all?
I’m going to bed now with both a heavy heart but also a relieved, full, loving one. I am drained. I am tired. But I am eager to take on another day, help people, and make a difference. I hope I always do.
That’s all. We learn every day, don’t we?